Missing: Approximately 12 year old, 11 pound, Siamese male cat. Answers to "Buttercup" or "Lorenzo"
Buttercup's owner is currently admitted to local hospital, and cat may be lost and in need of assistance.
Use caution when approaching the cat, as he is known to be very neurotic at times, especially when separated from his neurotic owner for extended periods of time. When communicating with Buttercup, it is best to use an inside, high pitched, baby-talk voice. It is very important that you explain every single movement to Buttercup, lest he suffer a feline psychotic break.
Buttercup may be in need of medical attention, and has been known to crave antifreeze when left home alone without his owner.
If found, Buttercup is easily soothed by large numbers of QVC boxes, bolts of fabric, and Peter Popoff marathons.
He might just need a normal owner.
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